so this place is just a way i can vent, this is not orgnized at all cuz im not great at coding, i dont even know how to make diferent paragraphs. but this isnt for anyone in particular, maybe ill link this to the homepage? maybe not idk but this is where ill just type whatever im feeling. there will be heavy references to self harm and such so if you arent comfy with those tpoic please close this tab and check out the rest of the website. please. and now thats thats over i shall begin (this is NOT part of the joke arg this is real)

april 8th 2026. i feel sick all the time, its this new medication. it makes me feel weak asf and it ends up with me all hopless in my bed wishing i could do things without feeling like i ran a marathon. i bite my hands sometimes. not enough to draw blood but enough to try and leave bruises. i kinda deserve the aching pain it leaves, it reminds me that im responsible for my actoins and that this is all real and not just a dream or whatever, it also makes my hands look like someone else bit them...im weird and lonley but at least i can accept it it started as a fidget but now i do it on purpose. i have panic attacks alot, mostly over hypotheticals, lik what if something is hiding in my closet and will kill me and my parents if i move one inch while sleeping, or that someone will break into our house while im sleeping and ill have to deal with the person kiling both of my parents. or that my fucking ceiling fan will fall off and crush me in my sleep, or that we will be nuked by iran because of our bumass president and i just wont notice i even died, how does being nuked even feel? does it hurt???? or is it just a bright flash of light and boom you are dead. i dunno. im terrified of cars as well it only takes one drunk teen or a divorced dad to cause a lethal accident possibly involving me, when my parents leave without me and take hours im worried they got in a car crash and died or someone shot up the store they were going to and killed them. i want hugs i wish i had someone to cuddle me cause i would melt. i dont wanna get taller i dont wanna grow a mustache i wanna stay my current hight and shave off my mustache, i dont wanna be masculine i wanna be feminine, and if that means being a twink then so be it, or i could be those tall ass volley ball girls...yeah maybe in a million goddamn years im not cool enough to pull that shit off. thats it for now, stay cool ig -alice

april 8th 2026. god i am not used to it being 2026 i keep putting 2025. i have severe social anxiety, esspecially in super loud areas. just yesterday i went to a yugioh tournament like every thursday but there were 4 events going on instead of the usual 2 so it was so loud in there, my heart was pounding i couldnt think and i ended up hiding out in the bathroom holding in my throw-up despratly asking my mom to pick me up early, i feel so pathetic for it, i bet everyone else there had no problem but i was so overstimulated and overwhelmed i couldnt think and then i started feeling sick and i started to gag, im fucking pathetic.

april 14th 2026 ughhh my mom is so strict about discord she is probably gonn read all of my conversations and she was readin my private text mmessages to a friend, she does this all the time it pisses me off